Most of us build a self out of what earns approval and guards against shame. It's competent, put-together, needed — and it works, mostly. It's also exhausting to maintain, and underneath the performance, it isn't actually you.
“...put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt... and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.”Ephesians 4:22–24
Scripture doesn't describe growth as improving the self you've built. It describes something closer to replacement — not a better version of the old performing self, but a new one entirely, formed by God rather than assembled out of other people's approval.
One honest way to notice which self is running: the false self needs an audience. Jesus named this directly, warning against practicing righteousness “to be seen by them,” and pointing instead toward praying “in secret,” where “your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:1, 5–6). The false self performs even when no one's watching, rehearsing how something will look. The true self doesn't require witnesses.
The practical move isn't more effort at self-improvement. It's noticing the gap between managing an impression and simply being present — and naming that gap honestly is usually the first real step toward not needing the performance anymore.